Happy to help! ?Always Doctor

Being a doctor is very rewarding, mostly! Sometimes friends and relatives fall sick, where one is partially emotionally involved. This is the time when one's character is tested. A precarious balance needs to be maintained. In the beginning, one may go forth with complete support but that often leads to the patient becoming dependent on you. After that, how far one is happy to go, varies with each situation. If the ailment belongs to one's specialization, one can often take it to it's final conclusion, optimistically, cure in many situations. However, one's treatment may not always provide relief to the patient. In that situation, one should objectively re-evaluate and try to find out what went wrong. If one is not able to find a cause, it is better to refer to a more experienced person. It is important not to get egoistic about it and keep on seeing the situation objectively. Educating the patient about technical aspects more than what is required may backfire and should always be balanced.

If the ailment is not of one's specialization and the patient is not immediate family then the patient should be gently steered to someone who is most appropriate for that particular disease and person. In doing that, one must facilitate the process, if that can make it convenient for the patient. Often, both, the patient and the doctor referred to would be grateful. The word 'often' is again important. Most of the people tend to be grateful for any help extended and may not really remember it but generally maintain a positive outlook.

Being a doctor sometimes one starts believing what your patients say, "Doctor is God". What keeps one on ground are certain reality checks that serve well to remind that one is very much a mortal being! Life, always comes with an expiry date and if one, as a doctor, is unfortunate to come in that line, it can be disturbing. When a doctor feels that he went out of the way to help without any selfish interest but still is at the receiving end because the outcome is adverse, it can really play havoc with whole psyche of a doctor. It can specially be so in diseases that have a poor prognosis. The same friend or relative, who at the time of initial diagnosis, considered the doctor as a God-sent angel, may look upon you as a devil as the disease worsens, and you struggle to help. Worse is when the patient ascribes the whole illness to be because of the failing doctor-friend. Though they don't say it but somewhere in their mind they hold you responsible for their illness, as you failed to cure them or get them cured. The negativity that generates may last for long, sometimes life-long! To objectively put up with that is the challenge. Not to let it affect your relation with other friends and lay patients is what separates chalk from cheese! Obviously, only a small number of situations will push the doctor against the wall but to let the effect also be small and not snow-ball itself into a mammoth trauma that can spoil the greatness of a physician is the trick. And for that it is important that the doctor keeps himself or herself happy and satisfied otherwise also. Then only one can really grow above such situations and maintain a psyche desired of a healing hand! It serves well to remember that a doctor is a human being capable of being wrong in very easy situations.

I am a wonderful person.....otherwise also!

"Medicine is the most secure career", said father of my daughter's friend, who is an Engineer. He was replying to my question of as to why he contemplated his daughter to take up Medicine as a career. He reasoned that he was struggling in spite of having graduated as an Engineer from a good university and most of his fellow students were in an even worse situation from career perspective. I thought that I consider Medicine to be a bad choice as a career as it takes long to settle down and the remuneration is not as per your social status that leads to a frustrating imbalance in practical life especially in day to day dealings with people from other walks of life. May be the grass is always greener on the other side!

Definitely, being a doctor one inspires awe in lay public. People wonder that you know more about their bodies than they themselves know. There are lot of social aspects of being a doctor, one of them is how people solicit medical advice, when they feel they can get it for free. In fact, it makes one feel great to get people to hear you so carefully and many a times it feels like being a 'guru', whose every word is sacrosanct. Or so we think!

The other day I hired a cab to go to my hospital. After 2 minutes into the ride, when I had settled down, the driver first confirmed whether I am a Doctor and then showed me an ointment tube and asked whether it was appropriate for his knee pain. I told him that probably it was but am not sure as I am a respiratory doctor and he needs to consult an orthopedician. I even offered him to get an appointment. He told me not to bother. Probably he would wait for an orthopedician to be his client one day! If I go for a morning walk, people often greet me in first round and by second round it has dawned upon them that an opportunity is making rounds. They stop me and ask leading questions about their health. Sometimes I suggest them to make a group where we can have a group discussion on their medical problems. One of the most annoying situations are when you have gone for a social party like marriage. I can not ask "how are you?" as people don't understand that it is a customary greeting and take it literally. The other day in a marriage, a distant aunt was merrily laughing away with someone. She was nicely dressed up and seemed to be in a very good mood. On approaching her, I greeted her, "How are you?' She looked at me and her face was suddenly sullen. She replied, "I have lot of pain, consulted many people, you tell me what should I do?" I was distressed and at the cost of being rude I spoke to her. "I feel so sorry for myself! The moment you see me, you don't see me as a person, just as a doctor. You forget all the joy and are reminded of your ailments. I have become a reminder of your sufferings. I am sure you don't need my medical advice, nor are you going to use it, had that been the case you would have contacted me! Even then if you really need my advice, you are most welcome to come to my clinic and I shall do all possible for free. You have come to the party for a change from your routine and so have I! You were having a good time till you saw me. Can we avoid talking about diseases? You can talk to me about anything else movies, politics, mythology, social issues, sports, relations, careers.....anything! Why do you limit your vision  to see me only as a doctor." "No, I just asked because you are a wonderful doctor", she explained. "I am a wonderful person otherwise also! Kuchh aur baat kar ke to dekho!"

The Pillow Mystery

My wife uses a flatter and harder pillow, while I use a more fuller and softer one. Clearly indicating that I am the more indulgent one! But a mysterious thing kept happening with me. At bedtime, when I would retire I would see the flatter pillow on my side of bed while the fatter one on her side. I would switch the pillows and sleep. In case she had slept before me, I would snatch it from below her head. However, the next day the pillows would be swapped again when I would hit the bed. Knowing well, that my wife doesn't have a preference for any pillow, I would think that she took it inadvertently. It was possible as the pillow covers would always be the same, again, as per my wife's designs. I asked her one evening whether she had changed the pillows as they are not known to shift spontaneously, she simply said, "What's the difference?", without even thinking about it as an issue. I kept wondering that how the pillow that was left on right in the morning had left for the left by evening, something was not right!Then I got it! My children must be playing prank on me. At this age they do love these kinds of mischief. In a disguised manner, I inquired the matter, without giving them another fodder for a prank, were they not already at it. Asking a leading question would not have elicited a trustworthy response either. I gauged that probably it was not their handy-work. I decided to do a longitudinal observational study. Without fail, it kept occurring every day. For everybody else, it was not a matter of any concern but my curiosity kept growing. Then I thought of an interventional design. After getting up in the morning, I switched the pillows and kept the flatter one on my side and the fuller one on her side. Lo behold! They were again switched by evening and this time the fuller one was on  my side. My intervention had worked but I became more inquisitive! Next day was a Sunday and we were home. During the daytime, while I was busy with some of my paperwork, the mystery was solved. Our house-help came and I noticed her making the bed. She lifted the pillow on right, straightened it out, kept it on left and picked up the left one and placed it on right. She did so with the folded sheets also, but since they were exactly the same, it didn't make a difference. I called my wife and told her about the unraveling of the mystery. We had a hearty laugh. I asked our help that why she was switching the pillows? She counter-questioned, 'Are they different?' All burst out laughing at my finickiness.  

Myth & Reality

To reach to the senses of a newborn, the mother uses the warmth of her touch. As the child grows, humming and then lullabies are sung, and then come stories! These stories feed to the inquisitiveness of a child and nurture it also. It is these stories that are one of the best and most often used methods to teach. Stories help the young minds to understand right from wrong by examples, the cause and effect can be grasped. So, whether it is a mother, man or God, the preceptor has to stoop to the level of the pupil to reach him, like one has to bend to catch the tender finger of a young child to guide him. When a child is introduced to letters of alphabet, they are drawn large and clear. A size that we do not normally use in our day to day writing. Similarly children are taught stories of superheroes who have superhuman powers to  make them understand various virtues. By making them larger than life a visual impression can be created in the young minds, which is a known and easy route to reach the depths of the brain. Our mythology is that only! These are the stories that exemplify that why what is right is correct. Like the big letters of alphabet, there are supernatural situations that create a pictorial impression to reach the realm of cognition. In spite of understanding broad principles, we may not be able to apply them to the countless situations that we face in life; that is why we have such a voluminous mythology. One that can spring almost a similar situation as a man may be in, to help  decide which course to take, what action to perform. 

Another lesson that mythology tells us is that the dilemmas we face are the same that man faced thousands of years ago. The way we live and conduct ourselves may have changed drastically but the values do not change as the instincts of human behaviour do not change over time.  Also does not change the way we perceive various situations. This perpetuity of perception is what keeps the mythology pertinent forever. 

However, our mythology is that large alphabet from which the child is gradually taken to more practical script by the teacher. Imagine, what would happen if the grown up child continues to use large letters! For various reasons, as a society somewhere we have failed to grow up and correctly interpret the mythology as applicable to our day to day life. Whether these are linguistic barriers, ability to decipher, financial constraints or even the awareness that such an asset exists, these pearls are not within the grasp of everyone. A guide, a bridge is needed to understand and interpret our mythology correctly. 'Myth & Reality' is that guide! The series 'Myth & Reality' brings our mythology to the threshold of our cognition. Written in simple English, each chapter succinctly narrates an episode from our Epics & Puranas and has unswerving interpretation. As one goes through the book, becoming familiar with our own religious literature feels like the smallest gain. The episodes that one might have hardly hitherto known, after reading one is soaked in its essence. While being a part of the continuum, each chapter is complete in its message, its revelation. The first three volumes dealt with various avtaars and perspectives of Vishnu and Shiva, the present volumes delve deeper into less well known aspects and are more evolved philosophically.
What seems impossible, if performed, is referred to as magic in modern stories. As one goes through this series one realizes that there are impossible feats almost in all episodes yet they are never called magic. One observes that either 'Devas', who are the beings with positive qualities, are endowed with seemingly supernatural powers or others like Human Beings or Asurs, Daityas and Rakshasas can acquire them through hard penance. The given interpretation makes one understand that these supernatural powers are nothing but good qualities that are so difficult to adhere to by a mind that gets inveigled by smallest of pleasures. To practice controlling one's own senses is the penance and thus any mortal being can have powers that may seem out of this world by reining in mind. That is why these seemingly supernatural feats are not called magic in our mythology.
This series, by coupling 'myth' and 'reality' has the potential to enlighten us, the common people, so that we can perceive the supernatural ensconced within all of us, and awaken its energy to perform feats that are considered to be impossible in the mundane way of life!

My morning walk!

Concretization of cities is not limited to physical infrastructure but tends to encroach upon human organs like heart, that were hitherto made of flesh and blood. Besides that it has many less philosophical effects also. What is difficult to find in large cities are open spaces and time. And both of these are needed for what was once called 'Morning walk'! Though the younger generation in cities may not be familiar with the term but the references can be found in older literature and heads of older people. I think older people lost it with their hair.

The other day a kid asked me 'what is nature?' I looked around in my office for something to show him, then walked out in the crowded corridor that has now been covered and then to a place in between two buildings and pointed towards the small hiatus between the tops of the two buildings. "So sky is nature!", he concluded. I thought for a while and looked around. Our hospital was built in British era as a small building that was surrounded by large open spaces. Gradually, as we 'progressed', more buildings cropped up in the open spaces. As the stressed-out poor population had no other means of, and time for entertainment, the population increased further. That lead to increasing pressure in the hospitals and more 'infrastructure' was developed. Infrastructure: structure that makes life inferior! Lately, as trees were not allowed to be cut, architects got a chance to be more creative and we see tree trunks and branches in corridors and offices. Essentially, its only the physical Xylem and Phloem that remain, as if the nature is alive on a ventilator.

I brought the kid back to my office, and chided him for not knowing the difference between 'sky' and 'nature'. I immediately asked him to sit in front of my desktop and googled "nature" and voila! There the nature was!!

 "See, there is even a Journal by that name, one of the best Journals and you should dream of getting published in that one day!", I told him. To educate him further, I showed him 'Nature' on wikipedia also.

But these days children don't read and he just looked at the pictures and said, "Wow! so waterfall and lightening are nature. But is 'Nature' found only in Australia? Can we go there to see nature!" 'Another excuse for travelling abroad', I muttered!

................................................................................

There is still an inconspicuous and neglected piece of land in our hospital campus. There are trees, not so dense but good enough to keep the area shaded. As it is an 'unmaintained' area, there are lot of fallen leaves and flowers, small dried twigs and half-eaten fruits that can be seen on the ground. The ground has grass at places and  barren clay at others. There are many small shrubs. There is a trail that goes through it as people try to find shorter routes to reach faster, but not many walk through it as one may 'contaminate' one's shoes with mud here. This trail is my morning walk, my tete-e-tete with nature!! After parking my car, I use this 'mud-path', 'pagdandi', to remain in touch with nature. As I walk through this, my pace gets slower, I forget that there are people jostling in the OPD for their turn! I hear sounds of certain birds, that I can not see. I see glimpses of certain others who would not sit on a branch steady. However, a small deep shiny blue bird keeps fluttering her wings in air as if to model for me. There are squirrels racing to find a juicy seed of a flower. There is an odd butterfly and a wasp, both oblivious of the nearby mortuary. Leaves, are the kindest, and fall as an artistic diver dives from the springboard, twisting and twirling and gliding smoothly onto the bottom. There are small palm trees sprawling their leaves. Suddenly, a fleshy Semal (Shalmali) flower falls with a 'chhap' on the parched leaves. As one looks up to see the source, one sees branches of the tree with plenty of flowers that still look barren as they have no leaves. One tree harbours a nest, high up there, while another one has a large beehive. Rays of Sun beam through the branches as wind makes them play hide and seek. For those few moments, I am soaked in nature! I come out rejuvenated with curves on my forehead descending onto my lips, a happier person.

"Why are you hiding in between the trees?", my friend asked me the other morning as he saw me coming out. I said, "No, I was just coming through them". "Arrey! There is such a broad and clean road and even a fragmented footpath alongside, why do you have to come through that 'muck'? See! even your shoes have got all muddied!" I lifted my right foot to look at my shoe, indeed it was all covered in light brown dust. "Oh! right you are!", I said smiling. 'My small daily dose of nature', I thought, still smiling!!😄😄

Fall of Nalanda

ACT I
Somewhere in Medieval India.
Tutor - Shungya
Pupil - Astvavardhan

Pupil:
"O great monk!
But for that I have been taught to speak fair
in the last six years that I have studied here
in this great university in the sense of the word so true!
But for that you have taught me
to have a questioning attitude,
I wouldn't have asked this question to you!
Such is your repute
that though you don't agree,
you are seen as a seer,
whose every word is a prophecy!
But what you advise me
contradicts itself,
and who is better than you
to answer a question
that is because of yourself!

So here I go, if I may
and this is what I have to say,
The epitome of academics,
that has grown over half a millenium,
where a score of courses
are pursued by half a thousand pupil each,
where the best are taught by the supreme!
Even many outstanding talents,
consider it out of reach,
and where the masters from around the world
are not one or two
but thousands into two,
where has accumulated the world's largest repertoire
of books and essays
for anybody to even imagine to acquire !
Also, you tell me
that I am a prodigy

then what other place is suited better for me 

than this that is almost angelic,
I have been a sincere student here
why can't I teach,
what I have learned from where?

You tell me
that soon all shall end,
and all the greatness
would not be able to fend,
just a few horsemen
when in their mad frenzy they descend!
and you tell me to go
to go elsewhere
and save myself,
even if such is to happen,
why shouldn't I
give my self
in protecting my alma mater
rather than being a wimp
and may be I pay my due
and we can save it,
all the wise men here
and me and you,
and in the first place
I can not see reason
that a giant great,
would in no time
few sinners would decimate,
Then all that I have learned
seems to be untrue
something you tell me
please would you!!"

Tutor:
"In the same way that I have taught,
some stories I may narrate
as you are so distraught!
That I tell you to go, it is not to save you
it is to save that spark of greatness
that dwells in you,
So you may light the flame again,
It was not to save Manu
that he was saved from The Great Rain!
It was so that the element of life
may not perish in deluge,
at the height of Himalayas
he was offered the refuge!
And that is why I tell you to go,
I wish you to be the globe,
that protects the flame,
not only the flame of knowledge
but that of the true spirit,
that should form the scaffolding,
provide the knowledge with the correct frame!

You ask why shouldn't you stay back
to save this great university
that has been such a generous mother to you,
and why can't I and you and all the great monks
stop this disaster
and that is because the time
when occurs this deathly strike
till that time, neither me
nor you may survive,

And I do see, but am not a seer,
as I do not see future,
but it is the present that is so clear!
It is not whether men on horses from the far west,
or small men in boats from the far east
who shall deliver the final blow,
rather, like White Ants do
it is being eaten from within
so that they may grow!
Like the dried leaf falls from the branch
so shall this great place
without having a strong wind to blow!

And your question would be
why don't I stop this calamity
and that is because I can't,
all of my tenacity
is not good enough
how much may I want!

Your teacher I am and to further make you understand
few more stories I tell you, for you to comprehend!
There was a man called Oedipus
who killed his father and violated his mother,
and there was a king called Yayati
who stole his son's youth for his own pleasure!

This University was started by a King,
God had blessed him with something beyond everything,
that was an eye to recognize great masters
and an urge to nurture the talent
and a vision that that is how would prosper his state!

It was good to be here,
as the master's empyrean goal
was to hone the skills,
A great centre of learning it became
and besides knowledge
great values were drilled!

When the pupils went out
and achieved fame,
they showcased that most arduous tasks
were easy as a game,
with that came the recognition
a great centre of teaching it became!
A tool to achieve ambition
and not only for the disciples
but so for the tutor!
And thus were born the masters
who taught the word
but the spirit was nowhere,
and gradually these debauch masters
became the chief heirs!

Though it may be difficult to discern

but they are Oedipus and Yayati rolled into one!

Their father like masters, they spiritually killed

and rape this Institution that fed them with it's breast-milk!

And once in power, perpetuity they yearn

with their narcissistic motives all young talent they spurn!

And that is how they alveolate the bedrock of this place

like termites bring a wooden castle to utter disgrace

as it may look magnanimous but crumbles with a tweak

and thus a havoc into this great place, they wreak!

And now they are so many
and almost all of them
they know the art of guise so well
you won't know them
such perfect is their guile!
So only to leave is what can be done,
with your torch, go far, before all is vanquished
and start a flame that with all means
can not be extinguished."

Pupil:
"If I am to be the Manu,
then O Prajapti, let me know
upon this journey before I embark,
What all it is, that I should carry
with me on my Ark"

Tutor:
"The spirit of this place
only in books it is left,
so you must carry them with you
or the world is bereft,
and I know the Chief won't let you take them
but still you can take them and how to
in a way only you can,
that I tell you........."



ACT II
Few years later. In the office of Chief.
Chief - Bhaldutt
Tutor - Shungya

Chief:
"An improper man,
a warrior from Kshirgram,
Who couldn't get admitted
in his own clan,
You tell me
that to prove to his Sultan,
He has a devious plan!
With his two dozen accomplices,
he would attack
on this great knowledge fountain!
but the wealth that he looks for,
ain't here,
so what's he going to gain!

And then our patron is the King himself,
of the greatest state on this earth ever,
With his able army
what is it that we should fear!

In fact, the moment he lands
on this noble soil,
he would be cleansed,
the reasons would be changed forever
for which he toils
and he too would be unprofane!"

Tutor (to audience):
"Indeed! true it is as a principle
but alas false is the premise
as the purity of the land has been defiled
and you can't even recognize
how the magic of the soil has retired!"


ACT III
Few months later.
Chief - Bhaldutt
Pupil 2 - Nrehik (Pupil of Chief)

Pupil 2:
"When the army from west attacked,
 killed our king and our state was ravaged,
though passed within few kilometers
but didn't even look at us
and we thought we had escaped,
as they didn't consider us of matter,
But we knew not that soon
from another quarter
someone would come
and clobber and batter!

Has been reduced to ashes,
all the knowledge acquired over centuries!
For months the smoke continues to rise,
Never has history seen such a gloom
and never it will
such dark are the skies!
Lacs of books with treatise on all,
and its not the texts
but as if the subject dies,
and silently thousands of masters
have succumbed to death
no whimper, no cries!
Its not the present that has wasted
but our labour of past
and our future that putrefies!

But what makes me wonder
that an uneducated man,
hungry for material and power,
With sheer brute force,
how could he understand,
that to really finish us
our knowledge he needed to devour?
To squelch us, all that was written
and the minds that could,
both he destroyed just within few hours?

Is it true what I have heard,
that in return
so that forever you may live,
With no compunction
how could you give,
not only your men
but almost the whole mankind
how could you bereave?"

Chief:
"All has been spoken
and can't stand anymore!
Once wished to be the greatest
but felt smallest of the yore,
when that man entered my cell
like no one before,
his eyes were indifferent
neither respect, nor rancor,
with heavy feet
and a blood stained saber,
and I knew that in a flash of a second
my head would fall without a dither,
my life-long ambitions
twirled in my head like a spinning door,
and spontaneously I started to speak in Kharoshti
that I had learned many years before,
I lied that a mere servant I am,
begged to leave me and more to procure,
and told him of my concocted lineage
silently beckoned him to atheneum and more,
and before I blinked he was gone,
was I alive, wasn't sure!

And only after the catastrophe
I realize why Shungya used to implore,
that all books must be made into copies,
and wanted to convert lacs into crores,
so that they could never be detroyed
but I would always abhor!
Alas! That couldn't be done,
and I gauged Astvavardhan as a mere sophomore!
I can't take the burden
such grave is my remorse,
and I have poisoned myself!
But a dying man beseeches you
never to disclose,
answer my prayer in lieu of
all my discourse"

Pupil 2:
"How could you become the greatest
by doing what is so small?
And what you did to live forever
is not letting you live at all,
and when you should have lived
to resurrect what has been plundered,
you have chosen to die
I wish you could have wondered!
Even as a dying man,
you do what you did in your life,
you ask for a return
in the time of such strife!

But as your student
I have to give you that,
and never in history
anybody would know or tell,
how it happened
but nobody would know of you as well!

And few more words may I tell you
so that you can die with ease,
that there is still hope
and that is what gives me the peace!
Astvavardhan, as he made a try
for your consent to copy the books
and with all your swollen pride
you denied, didn't even bother to ask him why!
With his extraordinary assets,
thousands of books, he learned them by rote
and it is him that today I dote,
and I anticipate that after having left from here
he writes them down somewhere,
and one day,
the cache of knowledge that has been ruined,
to his acclaim,
at least in part, he recapitulates it
Is able to reclaim!"
...................................................................................................................................................................

काला सूरज

मैं ढलता सूरज हूँ,
अब न मुझमें आग सही,
पर अभ भी मुझमें लाली है!

मेरी कलम में  न ताकत सही
पर मुहँ में अब भी गाली है!

 और एक इशारे पर मेरे
भोंकने लगेगी वो टोली
जो मैंने पाली है!

तुम मेरा कुछ भी
बिगाड़ पायोगे,
ये पुलाव तो
ख़ालिस ख्याली है!

मेरा काम फरेब था
पर ज़्यादा हंसों मत,
तुम्हारा तो भविष्य भी
जाली है!

मैंने झूठ को ही था पकड़ा
और उसकी ही लकीरें हैं हाथों में
पर तुम तो बेमायने हो
तुम्हारी तो अब भी
मुट्ठी खाली है!

तुम्हारे आकाश में सदा
अन्धकार रहेगा,
क्योंकि सूरज सभी मुझसे होंगे,
हमने अपनी जगह बना ली है!

तुम सूरज हो सकने की
कभी सोचोगे नहीं
और चिरागों के लिए
आसमान नहीं,
होती केवल थाली है!