better..........luck, next time! i hope!!

I have been called at times by neighbors in desperate situations. While many years ago, i used to be jittery of making a wrong diagnosis or administering a wrong management, now I understand the limitations of the situations well and know that I am not required to do miracles, just make a difference if I can!

This couple, nearing their 80s are very close and dependent on us for their medical and emotional support. they don't take any kind of help from their son and his family, who live on the first floor. Today morning I got a call from uncle and I could sense the doom in his voice when he said, 'pata nahin sudesh ko kya hua hai'. In 10 seconds flat I was there and saw aunty sitting lifeless on the sofa with inhaler in her hand. I pulled her down on the floor, assessed her heart beat that was not there and started cardiac massage. Told uncle to summon a CATS ambulance, his son and whosoever can drive. He couldn't connect to the ambulance, was reluctant to call his son and confused to do anything else. I, while doing cardiac massage, asked him to call Rita and other neighbors. By now, aunty had gasped twice and my optimism was increasing. Neighbors came and announced 'deepak ko bulayo', then realized that I was already there but seeing me doing cardiac massage, asked me 'do we need to go to the hospital??? or is it over???'. My frustration was mounting and I ordered, call the son, my wife and ambulance from whereever. Rita has great managerial skills in panic situations and I knew she would do something. Fortunately, son came down, mobilized a car. Me, the son and daughter-in-law tried to lift the bulky body into the car and did it with great difficulty. Reached the nearest hospital wthin 5 minutes. Asked the lone casualty wardboy to get a stretcher, he replied, wahan se le lo'. By now I was totally exhausted doing cardiac massage and lifting her and had sprained my back badly, was unable to bend, my hands started trembling with weakness. I approached the CMO, introduced myself and requested for her to be shifted in. He obliged, I also pleaded for help to whomever i saw. 4 people shifted her in. The SR or somebody came and started taking history. I told him, let's start resus simultaneously. By now everybody was getting the feel that I am some doctor and from my age they could gauge that am not very junior. The SR took over the cardiac massage as he found me totally exhausted, I started doing AMBU, the JR put in the line, sister pushed in ADR and ATR,. We intubated her and suctioned lot of secretions. Everything was in place, ECG technician pulled out a straight line, the pupils were fixed dilated, it was all over many minutes ago.

 

I wished we had a better ambulance response, better manpower and training to shift unconcious pateints, better physique, longer time for brain to become dead or .......................simply better luck.

 

Though I knew, I didn't succeed but I had not failed in my duty. That was the only positive in the grim situation!!

 

vibhed

मनुष्य हूँ मैं, मनु का पुत्र,
भेद-भाव मेरी प्रकृति है।
स्वयं को श्रेष्ठ स्थापित करूं,
इसी तात्पर्य हेतु ये युक्ति है।
जन्म होते ही मुझे ज्ञात है,
कि मेरी मृत्यु निश्चित है, शत-प्रतिशत। 
फिर भी मुझे भय है,
मेरी दुर्बलतायों ने परस्पर ही किया है मुझे आहत। 
हर व्यक्ति, हर वास्तु भयावह है,
कहीं मेरी हीनता समक्ष आ गयी,
तो मेरा अंत तय है।
यही सोच मुझसे हर क्षण परिश्रम करवाती है,
श्रेष्ठ सिद्ध होने को नए - नए समीकरण बनवाती है। 

"मैं पुरुष,  तुम नारी।
मैं सवर्ण नारी, तुम कुलहीन बेचारी!
मैं सुवर्ण, सुदेह, तुम विकृत।
तुम तिरस्कृत, मैं परिस्कृत।
मैं अधिकारी, तुम अधिकृत।
मैं समर्थ, तुम निरर्थ।
मैं एक आविष्कार , तुम व्यर्थ।
मैं वृद्ध, तुम अज्ञान बाल,
मैं चढ़ता सूर्य, तुम सांयकाल।"

और इस प्रयोग कि पराकाष्ठा है,
जो मेरी अपने अहम् में आस्था है।

"मैं ज्ञानी , तुम अबोध।
मैं सर्वदा सौम्य, तुम पुनि पुनि करते क्रोध।
मैं भला, मैं उचित, मैं महान। 
मैं श्रेष्ठ हूँ,
क्योंकि मेरी सोच है सतोगुण प्रधान।
तुम हीन  हो,
क्योंकि तुम गुण विहीन हो।"

येन-केन-प्रकारेण हर तर्क कि प्रदा 'अंतर' है,
सत्ता, बल और मत के साथ
तादात्मय स्थापित करने का प्रयास, निरंतर है।
क्योंकि विविधता संसार की  प्रकृति है,
और शाश्वत जीवन कि इच्छा, भय, भेद-भाव
ये मनुष्य कि प्रवृति है।
यदि सौहार्द को जीवन का मूलाधार बनाएं
तो संभवतः दूसरों का ही नहीं ,
अपना भी जीवन सरल, साकार बनाएं।
 चलो भेद-भाव को त्याग कर
सबको ह्रदय से लगाएं,
संसार को एक जीने योग्य जगह बनाएं। 

Is happiness the key to life?

life, thy name is change!
Everyday the meaning of life is changing. Happiness, seems to be the core of life. It sounds prudent to measure the success in life with the happiness quotient rather than achievements. However, even the meaning of happiness is dynamic. Sometimes our achievements give us happiness, sometimes the pursuit to achieve itself makes us happy and at other times we might be happy taking a break from all that.
So what is it that gives us happiness truly? What is the formula of the magic potion of happiness. It might be defined in words like "when your inner self is in harmony with the external nature". The question, however, is how to do that?? Can same formula be applied at all times?
Success or possession of something may give us a high but is it happiness, or is it a transient happiness?
It may become possible in future to go to a salon, pay the fee and get your 'happiness centre' stimulated and be happy for the amount of time you can afford to.
Can we train our mind to be happy, in spite of whatever happens to our self or outside? Will that be normal or the right thing to do? Is it appropriate to be happy in a situation when one shouldn't be? Is the assumption that being happy is the best form of living, correct?? Is it wrong to be sad?

So, if it is not happiness, then what defines life? Is it being appropriate? Who defines what is appropriate? Can there be only one appropriate?

to be continued.......

An ode to the 'gas'

The national ailment, no doubt, is the 'gas',
that refuses to pass through the ass,
in the 'stomach', it continues to churn,
sometimes causes 'discomfort', otherwise 'heartburn'
it descends down in the knees, causing 'arthritis'
further down known as 'plantar fasciitis',
it's most troublesome when it ascends in the 'chest'
oh! in the head, it is at it's best!

This 'gas' is the nemesis of science,
only 'gas' has the unique ability
to explain all causes of human debility.
But for the 'gas',and the compelling need to pass
no tobacco would have been sold,
in fact, it is the philosopher's stone
turning all diseases into gold,
quackery's backbone!

True, no life is possible without 'gas'
my gratitude, am not able to release,
how do i express!!

Sajeev ant!

सजीव अंत!

किसी अस्पताल में, जहाँ हर क्षण
जीवन उत्पन्न और विलुप्त हो रहा होगा,
मेरा शिथिल शरीर मृत्यु शैय्या पर पड़ा होगा,
किन्तु मै न समाप्त होऊंगा, मैं जीवित रहूँगा।

नहीं! मुझे किसी कृत्रिम मशीन से बाँध,
सांसों के कोल्हू में मत जोतना,
अपितु मेरा शरीर  वो भूमि हो
जिसमें जीवन का बीज उगे।

मेरी दृष्टि उसे देना
जिसने कभी सूर्योदय की पहली किरण नहीं देखी,
नवजात शिशु की मुस्कान को नहीं देखा
प्रियसी की आँखों में
प्यार के उफान को नहीं देखा।

मेरा हृदय उसे मिले
जिसके ह्रदय में केवल पीड़ा हो।
मेरा रक्त उस किशोर को देना
जिसका रक्त रिस गया हो,
पर कन्धों पर भविष्य का बीड़ा हो।

मेरे गुर्दे
दो लोगों को,
मशीनों की साप्ताहिक रंगदारी से मुक्त करें,
मेरी हड्डियाँ, मांसपेशियां, नस-नस,
किसी अपाहिज के दौड़ने के लिए प्रयुक्त करें।

मेरे मस्तिष्क के हर कोने को ढूंढ डालना ,
मेरे रोम रोम से कोई कोशिका निकालना,
की किसी मूक बालक के मूंह से कोई स्वर तो फूटे,
किसी बधिर कन्या के सन्नाटे का बाँध तो टूटे।

फिर भी कुछ बच  जाए
तो वो धरती को उपजाए,
जहाँ फूल मुस्कुराएं,
और गेहूं की बालियाँ लह-लहाएं।

और फिर भी आवश्यक मुझे भस्म करना हो,
तो भस्म करना,
मेरी त्रुटियाँ,
मेरी कमज़ोरियाँ,
मेरे भेद-भाव।
मेरे पापों को नष्ट करना, मेरे शरीर  को नहीं,
आत्मा को मिला देना भगवान् से कहीं,
यदि ढूंढनी हो मेरी मज़ार, चादर चढाने के लिए,
तो उससे किसी नग्न बच्चे की,
एक कमीज़ बनवा देना कहीं।

यदि याद रखनी हो मेरी कोई अदा ,
मुझे कुछ यूं ही साथ रखना सदा।

                         (Robert Noel Test के अंग्रेजी लेख "To remember me" से रूपान्तरित )

link to original writing:
http://journeyofhearts.org/kirstimd/remember.htm

Teri muskurahat mein na sahi
Tere uljhe hue balon mein
Teri nigahon mein na sahi
Tere bechain khayalon mein
Mere javabon mein na sahi
Tere nashtarnuma sawalon mein
Yakinan main tere ird gird hoon
Tere aaj mein na sahi
Tere beete hue saalon mein
Beshaq main vahin hooon
Teri mehfil mein na sahi
Tere ghar ke tanha jalon mein
Par main hoon
Aur yakinan yahin hoon
Teri zubaan pe na sahi
Par tere sabhi halon mein

Sach hai ki sab fareb hai
Meri baatein , mere khyal
Meri jirah, mere sawal
Kyunki main tere liye hoon hi nahin
To phir bhala mere liye
Tu kaise ho sakta hai
Jab main teri duniya mein nahin
To bhala tu meri duniya mein kaise
Is baat ka ab tak mujhe sakta hai

The doctor on ventilator

"To cure the world,

the doctor was there,

now he's busy curing his ills,

earning his bread 

and churning his greed

don't go to him

for your grim,

he can't make you better,

he's himself on ventilator"

Chhattisgarh, where Bastar is: a short glimpse

While I was anticipating a visit to Uttarakhand, I was suddenly required to go to Chhattisgarh. Again it was 'Bird Flu'. The going was not very difficult! Like most of my Bird Flu visits, this also was my first visit to the concerned place. Chhatisgarh, a Sea-Horse shaped land locked state, I only knew was carved out of Madhya Pradesh few years back
Chhattisgarh has been trying to find it's entity since British times. It implies that it existed even before that. The area was a part of the Central Provinces under British rule. In my short stay, I perceived that there is a northern Raipur region and a southern Bastar area. There are various theories to the etymology but definitely 36 forts are NOT there. Some say that this region was unification of 36 fiefs into a princely state. That does not hold ground as Bastar, kanker, Raipur, Raigarh, Kawardha were independent kingdoms. The other version is that the name derives from 36 houses (Ghar) that were built by families that migrated into these hitherto forests. To me the name remains a mystery, though I am sure it can not be such a big suspense or else why this young state would have been named so!




The scenic beauty of Chhattisgarh is evident as one travels from Raipur to Bastar. This was the region referred to as 'Dandak' Van in Ramayana. The region is interspersed with 'Ghats', the small hills, that are part of the great Eastern Ghats. It appeared to me that there are hills in the northern part of the state and in south with plateau in between. As one travels across the Ghats, 'Tendu' trees are visible in abundance. The young leaves of this tree are used for making 'Bidi' and I suppose "tendu patta' collection is an important occupation of the state. There is a weed that I have seen in all the states that I have visited. It grows at the edges of the farms, near the roads. It is called 'Besharam' here! As I crossed one hill, my attention was brought to a rock on top of it. That rock is said to be used for giving death penalty by the erstwhile 'Raja', by pushing people from there. Now, there are stories of those rocks being frequented by a leopard. I was told, wild Bison, Bear and Leopard are the common wildlife in these forests.
On the way to Jagdalpur, the capital of Bastar, there is a midway restaurant by the name of 'Makdi'. It is said to be there for more than 40 years. It's probably the best known midway restaurant in the region. It's branding was noticeable as the waiters wore t-shirts with a spider logo. I was reminded of BTW. As one starts reaching Bastar, one notices the teakwood trees on both sides of the highway. Sight of tribal women wearing sarees in their characteristic style becomes common. Bastar, known as one of the most backward regions of India with poorest income, education, life expectancy etc, is very beautiful. There are forests that are easily mistaken for orchards. The lush green fields with large water bodies and flowers of various colours is a sight to see.

Carvings and statues of tribal men wearing a helmet with two horns aka Viking helmet, playing drum that hangs by the neck, is a common sight in Bastar. That almost is an emblem! Wood carvings, related to tribal culture are also visible. Jagdalpur, the capital of Bastar region is said to have been developed by a former queen, popularly known as 'Maharani'. The town is remarkable as there are no 'gullies' and only roads that cross each other at a perpendicular. It appears to be a well designed city and reminded me of Chandigarh. One of the popular crossings is known as 'Chandni Chowk' where statues of four tribal women are installed.
The royal history of Bastar is also interesting. We had the pleasure of hearing it from the 'King' himself. One of the 'Kakatiya' rulers immigrated to Bastar from the present 'Warangal' area of Andhra. He and subsequent rulers, populated the area by bringing people from neighbouring areas. They looked after the welfare of the local tribals well and became popular. It is said that one of the kings was guided, by Goddess 'Danteshwari', who gave him a sword, that is still with the royal family. We visited the palace, that looked like an old mansion. The gates were wide open, we entered a hall that led us to another. We almost bumped into few people who were sitting on the sofas placed there. Their comfort level conveyed to us that they were not visitors. Later we came to know that the king of Bastar was hosting the queen of Kawardha there. The young king, who has been educated at Cambridge, then came to enlighten us. Though he did not tell us but we knew that his predecessor was killed at the doorsteps of that palace in a police action in 1966. It is said he was leading a tribal rebellion. I did not venture into the fact finding of the sensitive issue, though I was shocked that such an incident had happened.


Chitrakoot! What a waterfall!

On the way to Bastar, there was a lotus shaped temple. the 'Ganga Maiyya' temple, which is said to have a 100 year history. Paucity of time made me click a picture of the board that narrated the story, to read later. Another remarkable sight to see is 'Chitrakoot waterfalls'. Indravati river, a tributary to Godavari, falls as Jgdalpur plateau ends abruptly. The 100 feet fall is not only a treat to eyes, but also a perfect illustration of the term plateau. It is easily eligible for status of a national attraction. However, it lies in the naxal area and that probably deters it's development. That made me wonder, 'what are the issues of Naxals?' Are they themselves hindering their own progress? My ignorance on the subject made me said!

The most backward area of Bastar is within a few hundred kilometers of one of the temples of development, the 'Bhilai steel plant', that gives highest revenue to the railways. The IIM, Raipur and now the AIIMS, Raipur are all within a distance of few hours!The state, rather , has the appearance of a developed state. It is difficult to comprehend, why it is more backward than far-flung areas of Arunachal and Nagaland. It does not appear to be very densely populated either. It may be because of large fraction of tribal population that lives in deep forests and are hounded by illiteracy and superstition.

main

सवाल ये नहीं की मैं कौन हूँ,
जिरह ये है की मैं क्या हूँ ?
क्या मैं वो किलकारी हूँ, जो मेरे वजूद लेते ही निकली,
या मैं वो बात हूँ, जिसमे मैं बयां हूँ?
क्या मैं वो नाम हूँ जिससे मेरे वाल्देन ने मुझे पुकारा,
या मैं वो एहसास हूँ, जो अक्सर मुझे होता है,
क्या मैं वो ख़ुशी हूँ, जिसकी सदा मुझे तलाश है,
या मैं वो लम्हा हूँ, जिसमे मैं बिखर गया,
या शायद मैं वो अश्क हूँ,
जो मैंने आँख से छलकने न दिया,
क्या मैं वो दिलासा हूँ, जो तुम्ने मुझे दिया
या मैं वो हौसला हूँ, जो बक्शा खुदा ने,
क्या मैं वो कदम हूँ, जो ज़िन्दगी की राह पर
मुसल्सल अपने निशां छोड़ रहा है,
या मैं वो उम्मीद हूँ, जो इस खुदाई को मुझ से है,
मैं हर लम्हे मैं बदलता एक अक्स हूँ,जिसका वजूद तुम्हारे रुख-ऐ-नूर से है!!
मैं तुम्हारे अंदाज़-ऐ-बयां की लहरों पर
गोते खाता एक भाव हूँ , जो लुत्फ़ तो देता है
पर धुआं हो जाता हैं,
कायम होने से पहले!
मैं शायद जज्बातों का एक फार्मूला हूँ,
जिसकी खोज अभी होनी है!!

Poem: a definition

a poem,
is an invention
of a new expression
of a discovery
of an abstruse emotion
yet
it's only an experiment
of the poet's creation
each time it is read
undergoes evaluation
open to interpretation
yet
true is each perception
how reconciliatory
is every confutation,
cryptic but sublime,
of thoughts, a reticulation
yet
it's laconic,
so spartan
is the revelation,
so simple is the point
of the whole confabulation
yet
it's so exacting
to find the meaning,
to give the poem
a definition!

daivroopi insaan ya manushyaroopi dev

माँ भी इंसान होती है,
हमेशा सही कहना और करना है,
क्योंकि वो तो सच का दृष्टान्त होती है,
इसके बोझ तले  वो जीती है
उसे कहाँ स्वछंदता मनमानी की,
वो तो उत्कृष्टता की प्रतिमान होती है,
उसको तो सहनशील होना है,
श्रेयहीन अविराम उद्यम करना है,
वही  तो धरती पर
दैव गुणों की प्राण होती है,
सच ही तो है,
कि  माँ भगवान  होती है
कितना सरल हो जाये
 उसका जीवन
यदि बस इतना याद रहे
कि  माँ भी इंसान होती है. 

No spice in life!

No spice in the life, no mirchi, no ginger,
entertainment jati dikhla ke middle finger,
All methods of enjoyment hue miserably fail,
chahe haro ya jeeto maza deta na koi khel,
apne hi ghar mein yaron, nahin milti apni space,
there's a toilet in the house, by God's grace,
Job, ghar ke kaam, family responsibility,
kahan se layun zindagi, day to day mein nahin milti,
mere dost mere apne sabhi mujhse hain naraaz,
no more am I person, they say that I was,
mujhse time mangte hain, dekho kaise hain ye fool,
teen baar bola tha maine, mujhko hai kubool,
saalon! tum bhi aaye thei, bhala kaise gaye bhool,
sheeshe mein dekhoon to mijhko dikhta thanda pizza,
main most welcome hoon, agar free mein miljaa,
potential apna maine kehte kiya hai waste,
jo potpourri banayi, uska balance karo taste,
mujhko 'main' rehne do, mana main hoon different,
girebaan mein jhanko, hoon main sabhi mein present,
jab tum happy ho, tab tum tum ho,
jab unhappy ho, tab tum gum ho,
tab jo tum ho, wo hai sad singer,
no spice in life, no mirchi, no ginger!!

how to keep good things simple?

how simple are things
when things are simple
when I am me
and you are you
in my eyes there's a twinkle
and on your cheek, a dimple
how simple are things
when things are simple!

you like being happy
and I like being good
we like doing
what we would
and we like each other
no worries, no rumple
how simple are things
when things are simple!

from where does creep in
the urge to possess
need for more
more than we actually are
the desire
to peep into wimple
no more,
things are simple

it is the greed
to have more
of what we enjoy
and that is
when we start to tipple
how to keep
good things simple!

iron deficiency anaemia

सच है,
देश में अपने खून की बहुत कमी है!
ज्वारभाटा जो दौड़ता था गायब है,
अब तो रगों में सिर्फ एक नमीं है।
उसूल, नैतिकता, पौरुष कुछ नहीं,
सिर्फ मनमानी,
जिसको सहेजना था उसी को रौंद डाला
अब खून खून नहीं, हो गया है पानी,
कैसे इतनी हैवानगी ये सह गया,
खौला नहीं जो खून,
लगता है आज़ादी में ही सारा बह गया .
इस कमी को नहीं कर सकता पूरा कोई रक्तदान
ना ही एक दिन अचानक मिलेगा कोई वरदान,
ना इसका उपचार होगा रटने से चौपाई और दोहा
हमें तो लेना होगा अपनी ही संकीर्ण मानसिकता से लोहा
और शायद समाज के पुनरूज्जीवन के लिए
एक-एक रक्त कोशिका को बड़े यत्न से बनाना होगा
लगता है एक बार फिर
जनतंत्र में से स्वराज खोजने के लिए
 कई लौहपुरुषों को लहू बहाना होगा
ये कैसी रक्ताल्पता है, जो खून बहाने से पूरी होगी
यदि बनाना है लोहा समाज में तो
अब हमारी सोच में एक लौह-क्रांति ज़रूरी होगी 

aarzoo-e- ishq

ना वो रात हुई
ना वो बरसात हुई,
हद तो ये है दोस्तों
कि ना ही वो मुलाक़ात हुई
रात से पहले
शाम-ए -ज़िन्दगी आ पहुंची
आरज़ू -ए -इश्क
की कहाँ हमें नसीब
निशात हुई

यूं तो बहुत मिले
दोस्त, ग़मख़्वार , हमसफ़र
ज़िन्दगी एक पूरी बिसात हुई
बस वोही हसीं नहीं मिली
जिसकी थी दरख्वास्त हुई
और जो मिली
वो किसी इश्क से पहले ही
शरीक़ -ए -हयात हुई

अब करें तो क्या करें
और तब करते तो क्या करते
ना पहले हिमाक़त हुई
न अब हिज़ाक़त हुई
आशिक़ तो बन ना सके
जो हुई तो बस
आशिकों सी हालत हुई

मिज़ाज़ रुमानि
अंदाज़ रुहानि
यूं भी होती  है दोस्तों कभी
जो मेरे साथ हुई
कि  अपनी ही ना कोई
सिकाहत हुई
ना वो रात हुई
न वो बरसात हुई!

few  word  meanings
निशात - ख़ुशी
ग़मख्वार - जो दुःख बांटे
शरीक ए  हयात - लाइफ पार्टनर
हिमाकत - जुर्रत
हिज़ाकत - wisdom
सिकाहत - reliability

nehle ko nehla mila

एक तोते ने उठाकर कार्ड
हमें था बतलाया
कि यह साल बुरा होगा
तुम्हारे चाहने वालों के हाथों ही
तुम्हारा हाल बुरा होगा
और इसके ज़िम्मेदार भी तुम
खुद ही होगे
उल्टा पड़ेगा
तुम जो भी कहोगे
हमने छाती फुला  कर कहा
हम ऐसी भविष्यवाणी नहीं मानते
अरे! यह कार्ड पहले से ही लिखे होते हैं
क्या हम नहीं जानते!
हम सचमुच नहीं जानते थे
की कर्म भी पहले से ही लिखे होते हैं
क्योंकर हमें वो पसंद आते हैं
जिनके तेवर तीखे होते हैं
अब भुक्तो अपने चयन का परिणाम
हे दोस्तों तुम्हें शत शत प्रणाम
तुम्हे शत शत प्रणाम
पर यह मत भूलो
की दोस्त हम भी तुम्हारे ही हैं
पसंद तुम्हारी हैं
इसीलिए  कुछ न्यारे हम भी ही है!

shuqriya

tu kehta hai ki kyon pada teri zindagi pe mera saya

main khuda ka shuqr karta hoon ki tu meri zindagi mein aaya

mujhe to uska ehsanmand hona hi hai

na jaane kyon use tera nahin mera khayal aya

khair shuqriya tera bhi hai

tune meri badi ko mujhse milwaya

varna main na jaane kis khushfahmi mein tha

sabne to mujhe jhootha hi aaina dikhlaya

kehte hain har bura aadmi ek nek kaam karta hai

isliye mera wada hai ki tu bhi kahega kabhi

ki chalo kuchh to kaam aya!

Turning 40

With the Sun crossing over the zenith, why do I stare at the nadir! I know morning is over but why does the evening look so dark? They say ‘life begins at 40’ but I feel I have had an irrevocable loss. What is it that I have lost with age? Is it that chance to start afresh is gone as I get the feeling that my life has been molded now and cannot be started again? Is it the feeling that what I wanted to achieve and always thought that I would be able to, is not possible. Am I facing a stark reality?

Have I not achieved anything in my 40 years? Or it that I am not happy with what I have got? Why do I feel that the better part of my life is gone? Have I presumed that my remaining numbers of years are fixed and insufficient. Can’t these years be extended, have I arrived with a pre-designated expiry date?

May be a better way of looking at it is that if given a second chance to live again 'my' these 40 years, would I live them differently? What more or different would I do? And can’t I do that now?

I would like to learn from my mistakes and not do them but then that I can do in my coming years by not repeating them and still make my life worthwhile. I would like to be a better person. A person who can look at things more objectively.  Somebody, who reacts in an appropriate manner or in a more mature manner. I would like to change my attitude. I would want to shed away my lethargy, my inertia and become more proactive, more enterprising. I would like to take care of my body more and would give it more respect and service. I would like to explore more, to learn more.

But then all these things I still can do. I want to be more successful, is that not possible now? I can be more successful or is it that I am looking at a fixed level of attainment and that looks unreachable. Are there certain things that are not possible to do now say a particular kind of a job. The thing I would not want to do is ‘procrastination’ because that is responsible for those things that I can’t achieve now.

So if I was to get a ‘take home’ message from my ’40 years’, it is:

1.       To learn from mistakes and not repeat them

2.       Have a positive attitude

3.       Don’t procrastinate, and be more enterprising

4.       My body is an asset, to deal with it wisely

If I can do these, I am sure, I won’t need another life!